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Post by Colin E on Jul 3, 2009 7:07:59 GMT 12
STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Roster is squawking
and running as hard as he can
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dimmit.....
third gay rooster I bought this month.'
Moral of this
story? .
Don't mess with the THE OLDER GENERATION
age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
always overcome youth and arrogance!
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Post by Abb0 on Jul 3, 2009 9:46:58 GMT 12
Haha, that is a good one. Although it's a Thursday funny for me ;D
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Les
Full Member
Posts: 190
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Post by Les on Jul 3, 2009 12:04:20 GMT 12
THE $40,000 funeral Jim died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sue turned to her oldest and dearest friend. 'Well, I'm sure Jim would be pleased,' she said. 'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. 'How much did this really cost?' 'All of it,' said Sharon . 'Forty thousand.' 'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?' Sue answered, 'The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500.. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.' Brenda computed quickly. '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?'  AMEN................................ |
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Post by Teams Junkie on Jul 3, 2009 14:13:41 GMT 12
An Amish boy and his father took a rare trip to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, father?"
The experience was all new to the father and he responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what this is."
While the boy and his father were watching in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled her way up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small chamber.
The walls then closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached; then the numbers began to light in reverse order.
Finally the walls opened again, and a gorgeous 24-year old blonde stepped out. The father, kept his eyes steadily on the young woman, and said to his son.....
"Go get your mother"
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Post by fordzrule on Jul 3, 2009 20:44:13 GMT 12
What goes clip-clop-bang,clip-clop-bang?
An amish drive by shooting.
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Post by haka on Jul 3, 2009 21:28:43 GMT 12
click-click---boom
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Post by fatrightrear on Jul 4, 2009 16:46:48 GMT 12
THE SNZ HAD THERE AGM, hahahahahahaha  |
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Post by Glenn, Ex 269s on Jul 4, 2009 18:08:54 GMT 12
THE SNZ HAD THERE AGM, hahahahahahaha Now Now, That was disgusting, After all This is a family show ok ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by mrs' busterbell on Jul 4, 2009 22:40:03 GMT 12
An Amish boy and his father took a rare trip to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, father?" The experience was all new to the father and he responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what this is." While the boy and his father were watching in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled her way up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small chamber. The walls then closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch until the last number was reached; then the numbers began to light in reverse order. Finally the walls opened again, and a gorgeous 24-year old blonde stepped out. The father, kept his eyes steadily on the young woman, and said to his son..... "Go get your mother" tj which drawer did you dig this one out of? its so old ;D, |
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Post by Teams Junkie on Jul 6, 2009 9:21:38 GMT 12
Only G rated one I have ;D
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Post by Markus M on Jul 6, 2009 10:21:30 GMT 12
Only G rated one I have ;D Not what I heard mate ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Cheers |
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Post by nogrip-31gm on Jul 31, 2009 7:38:58 GMT 12
Two Australian businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break,
in their soon-to be, new store..
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by,
put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Kiwi walked to the window, had a peek, and in a Kiwi accent asked 'What are you selling here?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Kiwi said, 'You are doing well ..... Only two left!'
Australians God bless them - should not mess with New Zealanders
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Post by Colin E on Jul 31, 2009 8:10:49 GMT 12
First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time . The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.' The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
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Post by krustee on Jul 31, 2009 8:26:28 GMT 12
In my younger days, I wanted to see as much speedway as I could.(nothing much has changed)
But having very little money and no car, I hitched most of the time.
On a sunny saturday arvo, I headed up the road heading for the Springs and a night of open wheel magic.
Just north of Huntly I had the good fortune to be picked up by a couple of nuns in a lovely morrie van.
Things were going swimmingly until just over the Bombay's.
Suddenly a bloody great big vampire landed on the bonnet of the car!
The older nun who was driving got one hell of a fright! She turn to her much younger sister and said "Quick sister, show him your cross!"
The young nun then wound down her window, stuck her head out, and at the top of her voice screamed "FECK OFF"
True story...I nutse you not!
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Post by cards on Jul 31, 2009 10:35:46 GMT 12
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Post by Abb0 on Jul 31, 2009 10:42:26 GMT 12
...The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.' That's briliant ;D ;D |
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Post by porry41 on Aug 7, 2009 8:45:46 GMT 12
lol brings back memories of my racing days ;D ;D
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Post by Admin on Aug 7, 2009 10:55:56 GMT 12
Guys , I've deleted todays joke .
Please remember this is supposed to be a family show so let's keep the jokes above the waist line.
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Post by shanej on Aug 7, 2009 12:37:01 GMT 12
How do you wake Lady Ga Ga?  Poker Face!!! ;D |
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Post by deno Tank 9c on Aug 7, 2009 13:27:52 GMT 12
LITTLE FIREFIGHTER
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with ladders on the side,and a garden hose rolled up in the middle .
The girl was wearing a firemans helmet . The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat . The firefighter walked over to take a closer look . That sure is a nice fire truck he said with admiration . Thanks replied the girl, the firefighter took a closer look and noticed that she had the cart tied to the dogs collar and the cats testicles . Little partner said the firefigther i don't want to tell you how to run your rig but if you tie that rope around the cats collar i think you could go faster . The little girl replied thoughtfully
"your probably right but then i would't have a siren "
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